My name is Lizzy and I’m here to tell you a story about what Love means to me and my journey with Love.
Growing up as a child, I never really understood what love meant and Valentine was just one of those days, I didn’t even such a day really existed and even when I knew it meant nothing.
My parents were meant to be my yardstick but from as a child, I never saw them show themselves any form of love ( let this not surprise you) my parents are African and expressing of love was just not a common thing while I was growing up, I grew up as a mean and sad child. At age 10 I left my parents and I grew worse.
I started staying with different people, moving from one family to another some treated me well and some didn’t but still I never really understood what Love meant.
I started dating at age 14 thinking dating someone would help me understand what Love is but then I hated those I dated at some point, it went on and on like that for a very long time. I got into the University and I hear so many of my friends fantasize about Love, then it occurred to me that love is here and then I said to myself “is this what Love truly is” I went ahead to date someone else, this time I didn’t even stay one week in the relationship as I started to grow pure hatred for him. Then I realized there’s more to love than dating or learning from other people experiences.
Life was going on as usual but some unusual happened to me, I came in contact with the person of Christ and for the first time I felt loved, I felt there was someone that loves me so much in spite of my errors and mistakes but then I still couldn’t reciprocate this love to people there was still a void in me that needs to be filled.
I dated this beautiful soul after my NYSC, with him I almost felt the same way I felt when I met Christ. This guy loved me unconditionally, he loved me with everything but then I still couldn’t reciprocate the love and at some point, I grew so much hatred for Him.
Having gone through all of these, I felt really devastated and confused. I became really bothered about myself, I wanted to know what really went wrong and then a question popped up in my heart “Christ loves you, people love you but do you love yourself? ” so I was quick to respond why not, I love myself why wouldn’t I? Really why wouldn’t I? Then I stopped to think well, I asked myself some basic questions and then I found out I never really loved myself.
I grew up never knowing who I really am, my identity was messed up, I lied to myself as often as I can remember. I crave for people’s opinions about me, I crave for their love but then I never loved myself. I felt I wasn’t good enough, I felt dead to myself.
Now I know what really went wrong, I couldn’t love others as much cause I never loved “ME”. I couldn’t stay in a relationship for so long because I never loved myself, I jumped from relationship to another seeking for someone to fill the space I was meant to fill myself. I never felt happy being single because I never loved me, I couldn’t even stay alone because I felt it was someone’s duty to make me feel loved.
I know what the problem was, and remember you can only provide a solution to a problem you know of. I started paying much more attention to who I really am, I started channelling love to myself. Yes, I tell myself I’m just good enough, I tell myself the best thing that is to be told. I remind myself each day about the love of God for me and it has kept me going.
It’s Valentine and I know you feel lonely, there’s no one to take you out. You feel jealous of friends that you know would definitely receive wonderful lots of valentine presents. If you love yourself I’m sure you wouldn’t feel strange staying alone on valentine and buying yourself a beautiful gift.
No one would ever love you more than you love yourself, you have to see yourself as the best to make someone find the best in you. Come to think of it Valentine is not just about boo and bae, it’s beyond what we find ourselves doing in this generation.
Valentine is a day to impact lives, a day to make people understand that they must first love themselves genuinely before they can love others and before someone can find them worthy of love.
Rather than wait for someone to love you, buy you a present or take you out. Love yourself, take yourself out, and give yourself that best treat you think you deserve. Enjoy your own company!
Be happy being single and if you are not single be sure not to make your happiness dependent on the other person.
I have promised myself to enjoy my day and have fun being by myself and I am content this way until God sends the right one.
Happy Valentine’s Day!