Onomewrites

Impacting Nations

DEAR GOD, DO YOU EVEN LOVE ME?

November 2020, I  resigned from a toxic work environment (if you want the full gist, click here). After resigning, I promised myself I would not hurry to get another job because you know what they say about making the same mistake twice.

I got a side gig as a customer care representative for an e-commerce service company in February 2021. The pay was little when compared to the work I was doing. Still, I did not mind because at least something was coming in, and I enjoyed solving problems.

I was still searching for a job. In April 2021, I got a good job that was flexible, and the pay was fair, so I said yes to the offer and resumed work immediately. I had a condition before taking the offer, I was employed as a content writer, and when I asked how many people were on the team, I was told it was myself and a graphics designer.

Boy, there was no way I could do a digital marketer’s job. I told them to employ a digital marketer, and they promised to. Two weeks after I resumed, they hired one, and I was so excited, but unfortunately, the terms were not conducive for the person; she left after working for two weeks.

After the digital marketer left, the company refused to employ another person, and they expected me to take up the role, which I could not. It was always a tug of war. The MD/CEO felt I was not competent enough because the company’s social media pages were not growing as she expected.

This woman expected me to grow a page using content only. I tried explaining, but I was not good enough to her, so she went ahead to employ a digital marketing agency. The agency was responsible for all social media pages, which means she does not need my services anymore.

My line manager, God bless his kind heart, tried all he could to convince her to let me stay, but she wanted me out. I started seeing some toxic traits when she called me useless in one of our zoom meetings with the digital agency.

Some weeks after, I dropped my resignation letter because I didn’t want to be sacked. I remember sending that email with tears in my eyes because the truth is that I was tired of job hunting. I came back home, and my sweet husband kept telling me it would be alright.

Here is the thing, I gave a testimony about this job in one of the groups I belonged to in church and here was I three months after with a resignation letter. I felt like God had frauded me. I cried for so many nights. I was pissed and asked why he allowed me to take that job in the first place.

 I was throwing tantrums at God, the maker of heaven and earth, the one who can do all things o (Onome, you are bold o lol ); well, He is my father. I refused to pray for days, and the thought of the MD/CEO of that company annoyed me.

My sendoff cake

It took me months to forgive this woman and everyone involved in me losing my job. I found my peace back when I chose to submit to God and allow Him to lead me. I decided to worship God with tears and pains; in that place of worship, I found peace and strength. He wants the best for me, and today, I’m glad he took me out of that company when He did.

At the same time, I made great friends in that company that I won’t trade for anything. I remember how we cried and hugged on my last day at work. It’s a memory I won’t forget.

I’m in a place of contentment, and I am currently working on my next assignment. I’m not actively searching for jobs, but God keeps sending me gigs, and I have not lacked. That’s how amazing my father is.

There are so many lessons that God has taught me in this phase that I can’t wait to share with you.

CONCLUSION

“The LORD is close to the brokenhearted; he rescues those whose spirits are crushed”. Psalm 34: 18 (NLT).

This scripture comforted me in my pain, and I could feel God. I don’t know what your story is, and if, like me, you are angry at God, please don’t be. He has your best interest at heart. He will come through because He makes all things beautiful in His own time (Ecclesiastes 3:11).

Trust requires you to leave all other plans and cling to God. It is a case of I have no one else, it’s either you help me, or I’m finished. His plans for you are good, and your future is so beautiful.

When you don’t know what to do, worship because you will find strength and comfort in the place of worship, Papa is close to you, and He is ever ready to give you strength. Never doubt His love.

Cheers to you trusting God and coming out stronger.

With love,

Onome.

He Is not into me

Have you ever wanted someone so bad but the person is not looking in your direction? Or has your love interest put you in the friend zone? I know that feeling; let me tell you my story.

He is not into me

I had eyes for him from afar and the first day we spoke, he said I was intelligent; this made me melt. Concentration was impossible whenever I was around him. I knew guys like him would never have anything to do with girls like me (I was first rejected by my low self-esteem). I was a nerd and a bookworm. I didn’t like parties so I was convinced he would never like me.

The first time we met, I liked him. We had a conversation on books and feminism, which led him to say I am Intelligent. He was impressed by my ability to hold an intelligent conversation, so he asked for my phone number. I knew he liked me but he was scared his friends would laugh at him if he had anything to do with me.

I desired him but we became platonic friends. I was that friend he would speak with for long hours on the phone but would avoid in public. I was quite comfortable being in the shadows; at least I was the girl he spent more than 3 hours over the phone with.

I wanted more but I only appealed to him intellectually. I was upset when he started dating a friend of mine. (She was sexy and cute; no surprise he went for her). I stopped picking his calls. I sent him a message when I found out he was with my friend but he didn’t reply to my message, so I let him be.

Some years later we reconnected and became good friends. We had both become mature and knew what we wanted from life. The problem was; my feelings were rekindled and this time it was intense. I wanted to deny my feelings but the more I tried, the stronger it became.

We had become best of friends and I didn’t want to lose the friendship, so I decided to play it cool, but deep down; I was in love. I prayed about it and heard a ‘yes’ (I actually wasn’t expecting any other answer). I started praying that God would convince him to ask me out but the prayer never got answered. I had to summon the courage to ask him.

I asked him what we were doing because we ended every phone call with “I love you” and he would call me sweet names. I needed clarity. He told me he loved me but was still praying about us.

I waited patiently but couldn’t pretend any longer. I needed to be sure where we were headed as I had no time to waste. I called one evening and told him we needed to talk. We spoke at length then he gave me the shock of my life. He said, “Bunmi, God is not saying anything about us”. I couldn’t hold back the tears. ‘What was wrong with me?’ I thought my days of singleness were behind but they just started.

I went back to God for healing. That was when I discovered it was never God’s idea but mine. I concluded on God’s behalf. It was a painful experience but looking back now, I am grateful it did not work out. We are still friends but it took me a long time to realize that we could never have worked out as a couple because our purposes do not align but I was willing to compromise because my feelings for him were so deep.

CONCLUSION

Here’s the thing; I know it hurts that he is not looking at your direction and that he sees you as a sister and a friend but you can’t force a man to love you! If he is meant to be yours, he will come around. You have to trust God to give you the best you deserve.

He is not into me

“Yet God has made everything beautiful for its own time. He has planted eternity in the human heart, but even so, people cannot see the whole scope of God’s work from beginning to end.” (Ecclesiastes 3: 11) NLT.

A lot of times we are in a hurry and we allow impatience to fuel our desires and influence our decisions but we have to be patient to get the best. I understand that you like him. He makes your heart skip when he is around and you can’t control your emotions. My sister, you need to relax.

There is time for everything. Relationships are way beyond butterflies in the belly. The one God has for you is always worth the wait. You don’t have to embarrass yourself and make stupid decisions to make a man love you. 

He is not into me

You can’t force relationships; it has to happen naturally. You need to stop worrying your head about the how and the when. Let God write your love story because He has your best interest at heart and He loves you so much so, you can be rest assured he will give you the best.

I know it hurts, but you have to let him go so you can embrace God’s best for you. Begin your healing process and allow God to give you the best at the right time.

RELATED: GOD, WHEN?

I look forward to sharing your love story!

Your friend and sister, 

Onome Omodara

Why do you love Fridays?

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Friday is a time to wine down and rest from all the work done during the week. To some it is a time to regroup for the challenges of the coming week. Is that why you love Fridays and what do you look out for in this Friday?

YOU CAN JUDGE ME BUT…………………….

Yes! you can judge me but I did what I did because I had to do it, even though I can’t look myself in the eye right about now but I did it and that’s it. Really I wish I could detach myself from the girl that I have become but how can I? Biodun had come home that day frustrated after attending another job interview of “we will get back to you later’, she refused to talk to any of us and I just knew she was going to crash if something didn’t come up for her soon. Mum had threatened her a week before that she had to get a job or stop being another mouth to be fed in the house. It wasn’t Mum’s fault either, after training four children all by herself, she deserved to be left alone with her meager salary. She has a house full of graduates with no one having something to call a proper job. She was so understanding when we all came back home one after the other after the NYSC but the house rent had to be paid, four mouths still needed to be fed, bills were to be paid, and of course the four of us had to depend on her for everything. I guess she needed to transfer her frustrations on someone to ease off, Biodun being the eldest daughter was just the scapegoat, the other reason being her refusal to marry the ‘okay’ guys coming around but to wait for a better offer. Don’t blame us yet, we tried, our first Born Deji almost lost his life during the FRSC nationwide recruitment and his right leg had become limped as a result of that, it was only last year that he packed his things to go run ‘whatever things’ with a friend of his in Sagamu.

You could say mum was still fair to me being the youngest but I wasn’t seeing things the way my other two sisters saw it, they wanted it honourably but it wasn’t coming their way, they kept applying here and there but return home perturbed.  Kemi my other sister had to take up a crèche assistance with a little money to keep body and soul but Biodun an engineer would have it no other way. our rented two bedroom flat wasn’t what any friend could come visit in, it was all dirty because of all the old stuff, the curtains, chairs and all were just out of description and colour and I envisaged things could go on like that if mum retires next year with nothing to live on from us, she might just die as one unhappy woman who spent her all on the children who were unable to give back. So I developed a plan, girls who work in the big companies weren’t more brilliant than me but were just smarter so I joined the wagon, nobody cares where you work, just make a name for yourself, be the big girl in your own right, share exploits on BBM, FB, TW and maintain it.

You may not know but it happened to me so I know that you attract your kind of personalities, after developing some good moves, people of like minds became my pals, I stared singing in the clubs at least that’s what mum and the rest of them knows but really it’s not that I am sleeping around its just stripping. But oh! Money keeps rolling into my purse, I have a manager who arranges all the places we go but it doesn’t go beyond showing, I actually don’t do sleep around. People believe we are into one creative concept, but you don’t want to know all I do every night. well I am making contacts having met with some bigwigs to get my sisters a job and now, things have really changed. Bills are paid on time, food is in the store, good clothes are being worn, mum smiles more often, though she knows I am doing more than singing but has decided to turn a blind eye. My other sisters are enjoying all of it and I am sure I am getting them something soon because deals are underway. It’s so amazing how you might not be able to see eye to eye with crème de la crème during the day but have them watch you like the blockbuster movie of the century at night.

Well, now my brother has come home having heard of my exploits, I thought he went to run things too but he came back all born again and also as a tutor in a secondary school. According to him, it’s a brand new kind of life, though he looks it but his preaching is so disturbing to my very soul. Business has been very bad for me ever since he came home, mum had become so soft crying to him as if he was God himself, in his own viewpoint, poverty had driven us to a dangerous corner especially mum and my sisters who had rejoiced in my daring acts. He scolded them because they knew I had something up my sleeves other than singing, his words have been hunting us down because we all love each other but what can I do? I don’t want to go back to that life where I can’t even do things I wish to do because I had no money or buy a gift  for my mother on her birthday. How many years do I know she has left anyway? And if I keep waiting for things to turn around when will my life start? Deji had explained to us all, that meeting family/personal needs is never an excuse for bad behavior, I don’t know how to tell all of them the actual truth but Deji has helped me to confess it to God. But temptations abound greatly, my contacts are calling me for money and my manager has threatened to dump me, yet no job is forthcoming. Deji says to believe, but it’s hard, he has offered to take me along to his place so as to stabilize in my new faith but it’s not so easy going back to living a life of needs and not wants but  you know what; I am climbing my mountain one step at a time. Though you can judge me but…………..it was just that I allowed my feelings to take over the right judgment.  If God surely has a better life for me I think I want to hang in there to taste and see whether he is good or not.

 

Three things you must not be ignorant about!

There are three things you can’t be ignorant about as a shining light in your generation:

ONE: who you are! (Identity) You must get your identity from Christ, let not your circumstances or background or your failures define you. Do you know who you are?

TWO: what you have! (Resources) You must know where your resources are drawn from. We have a God who cares, His name is Jehovah, the ALL

BREASTY ONE. He has all we ever need and he is ever willing to give us all things.

THREE: what you can do? (Capacity)  we can do all things through Christ who strenghtens us, Yea in all these things we are more conquerors! From now on there must be an alignment between how God sees you and How you see yourself. Simple, how God sees us is in the bible, How we see

ourselves is by reading and doing what we see in the Bible. Have a beautiful weekend.