Forgive me, I know it has been a while. I have been up to a number of things; reason
I’ve been AWOL.
I have got news!
Your baby girl is getting married!!!
I am about to give you all the juicy details of our love story.
HOW WE MET
I took a decision to be single
until the Lord sends my man (see my book, ‘Single Without Wrinkle’, for the full
details). I wasn’t ready for a relationship, I was just enjoying my waiting
season. During that period, I had been praying for a job. I finally got invited
for an interview in one of the companies I applied to. The D-Day came and I
aced the interview. I got called to resume work on a Tuesday morning. Upon my
arrival on resumption day, I was asked to wait for the HR; that was when I met
While waiting for the HR, this handsome
dark-skinned young man walked up to me and said ‘hello’ amidst smiles. Although
I wasn’t friendly, he however went on to introduce himself with the smile
sculpted on his face (oh! he had such a cute smile). I told him my name and
mentioned I was there to see the HR.
The HR finally arrived and guess what? I got sent back home because I was wearing a jean (the tomboy in me decided to embarrass me that day). I resumed the next morning, officially dressed and who did I meet….again? Daniel! As usual, he smiled and this time around, I smiled back as I was in a better mood. I overheard him talking about a Lecrae concert and how he didn’t want to miss the programme. In the course of the conversation, he mentioned being a member of Covenant Christian Center. That was all I needed to hear as I had just recently started listening to Pastor Poju and looked forward to being under his ministration live.
I asked for his number in a bid
to go to church with him on Sunday and that was how we got talking. We went to
church together as planned and became good friends. We talked about the bible
and sometimes prayed together, all I saw in him was a “brother”.
I don’t know how it happened but
I knew I started developing feelings for my so called ‘brother.’ I rejected it.
I even took it a step further by praying and fasting. I kept telling God to
remove the feelings but the more I prayed, the more it grew. Eventually, I had
to call my spiritual father who told me to stop fighting but surrender it back
I couldn’t run away because we
worked in the same company and that was also a reason why I didn’t want the
feelings to grow. I didn’t want to date someone I would see every day. I
started avoiding him but he would always come around. One day, he told me we
needed to talk.
We agreed to meet at Coldstone
creamery. That day, he said to me “Onome
Omodara you are a treasure, you are like that bible passage that says a man
sells all he has just to buy the treasure, but Onome I need time” I can’t
forget those words. If you have read ‘There was a girl’, you will understand
why those words meant a lot to me. I got home and cried. No one had ever said
that to me. I had been told I am smart, beautiful, and intelligent but
treasure? That hit me.
On the 2nd of May 2018, he officially asked me out. He didn’t ask me to be his girlfriend; he told me to be his wife. I was shocked and kept wondering what he saw in me. I told him to give me a month and he never pressured me. I prayed and waited for confirmation. I wasn’t ready to go through another cycle of heartbreak so I wanted to be sure.
On the 29th of May 2018, I said yes to him because it felt so right; I was at peace. Everything the Lord had said to me during my waiting season was apt when we started dating.
Daniel was intentional about our
relationship; his love for me was so obvious. He was always willing to make
sacrifices. There were days I thought we would break up but he would always say
to me “Onome, I am not loving you by my own strength, mine would fail but God
is my strength”. Daniel has been my safe place. Challenges have come our
way but this man stood by me. This man prays with me and for me. He believes in
my vision. He is God sent!
It was my birthday and my boss had told me she was throwing a birthday dinner for me and I should invite my close friends (I was surprised but happy to have a party). The day came and I saw my sister from Ibadan at the dinner; she appeared like a thief in the night (Fam, I was surprised). My friends came around and we were really having fun.
The waiter came in and said I had a special order, I opened and it was a ring! I wanted to run away (where was I running to sef?) The man of my dreams went down one knee asking me to marry him.
It was surreal. It showed that the wait is always worth it.
I have said enough.
I interviewed my man and he has something to tell you
Tell us something about yourself
I am a graduate of computer
science from the great Tai Solarin University of Education. Obviously I’m a
Christian (smile). I am the first born from a family of four. I am passionate
about Christ, my career and whatever I set my mind to do. I am a focused and
purpose driven person with great leadership capacity. I see myself as a servant-leader
as I enjoy taking up responsibilities irrespective of any position I am in.
At what point were you sure Onome was the one?
(Deep sigh!) Well, it’s not like
I heard a voice from heaven or something “spectacular” just like the
days of Adam (smile), when something is right, you just know; the spirit bears
witness remember. I don’t mean to sound too spiritual but pardon me; that is my
default. Like the saying goes “Opposite attracts”. Onome is a
“wokilumo” kinda person to put it in English, you will always notice
her when she enters a room as oppose to my kinda nature; I am a reserved
person. So I saw in her a woman that together we can do great things for
Onome is outspoken without being
rude and very intelligent. Since men will always look at the outward, Onome is
beautiful to behold and young at heart. Above all, I saw in Onome a woman that
can help “womb” a vision and birth great dreams. A woman strong in
the things that I seemed to be weak in.
What makes Onome special to you as a person?
(Deep breath) Permit me to keep the
details to myself (smiles). But really, when you truly love someone you may not
have a “special” reason for loving him/her. You just
“apape” (add them together) them. Sometimes what makes somebody
special to you could be the strength they exhibit that wowed your weakness.
Many ladies have done wonderful things for me but the core of who she is,
outclassed them all!
How do you feel about getting married?
CAPITAL MIXED FEELINGS (laughs)
but I look forward to it.
What’s your most exciting memory about her?
The one I am yet to experience
with her because every moment with her is a blessing.
THE CHARA WEDDING
We decided to use the chara
wedding as our hashtag because we wanted a word that depicted exactly how we
felt and “JOY” was the perfect word. Chara is a Greek word that means Joy.
“He hath made everything beautiful in his time”
God is very intentional and each
time I look at Daniel I am just reminded of God’s love. People have asked me
how I feel about getting married and all I can say is “I am grateful”. If you
know my story you will understand that God is faithful.
I don’t know how you feel right
now but I need you to know that God has not forgotten you. Your marriage is
going to happen and it’s going to be a testimony!
Her aura speaks peace, her intelligence and depth got me
attracted and I asked myself “who is this girl?”. From the moment I heard her
speak, I knew she had to be my friend. Ify is not your regular tech lady; she
is an amazing personality. We got
talking the first time we had to work on a project. The passion she puts in her
career is applaudable.
I was surprised when I heard she was getting married; not because she is too young but because she was just too calm to be preparing for a wedding. I wondered what her secret was and even after her wedding, she was still glowing.
I sat down with Ify one beautiful afternoon after her
honeymoon and we had a chat about her wedding preparations and the place of
love in relationships.
Take a bottle of cold Fanta and sip, as we have a chat with
ONOME: Tell us a
little about yourself
IFY: I am Ify N. Ebelebe, a tech enthusiast. I am an individual who loves to learn and apply new skills. I am quiet when surrounded with people I’m not familiar with but jovial with close pals. I love simplicity and I also enjoy my space.
ONOME: At what point in your life did you start thinking about
IFY: You can call me a geek but what matters to me is
learning new skills and applying it, so marriage wasn’t on the table for me in
my undergraduate days but after I finished school I had to ask myself what I
wanted from life and while thinking about that, I knew someday I would get
married. It’s safe to say I started thinking of marriage a year after my
ONOME: How did you meet your husband?
IFY: We attended the same University but never talked nor greeted. We met again during NYSC at a conference organized by NCCF. We only greeted and parted ways. Not until we met at the wedding of a University colleague, where he sat on the same table I sat with other colleagues. He cracked jokes and made everyone laugh. We got talking after the wedding and exchanged phone numbers and the rest they say is history.
ONOME: When did you become certain he was the one you wanted
to spend the rest of your life with?
IFY: That’s a very interesting question Onome and very important. Love is very important but at the same time it is not the only thing you need to be convinced. I became certain he was the one because amidst the love his presence brought an unexplainable joy and peace and his dreams and goals align with mine.
ONOME: How did you feel the first time you were going to
meet his parents?
IFY: Meeting the parents, that’s a lot. We are from different tribes so I was really nervous and also excited that he was going to meet my parents. I initially felt my parents would say no because of the tribal difference but it was a different story entirely. They love him and his own parents welcomed me with love too.
ONOME: How is it like preparing for a wedding ceremony?
IFY: Preparing for a wedding ceremony can be stressful especially when you have no event planner. I didn’t have the chance to shop during the week because of work. I only had weekends to do my shopping and planning. I tried as much as possible not to be excessive in spending since it was just going to be a day event; I could be very strict when it comes to budgeting. I stuck strictly to what I needed and nothing more. I wrote a list of all I needed in order of priority and it really helped in managing my finances.
ONOME: If you had the chance to change something about your
wedding day what would it be?
IFY: My wedding day? Absolutely nothing! I had the time of my life and I was able to manage my finances well. It’s a day I can’t forget!
ONOME: What’s your advice to every bride preparing for her big day?
IFY: Spend wisely. This is very important. Don’t put your fiancé under pressure. Don’t try to please anyone because after that day you are left alone with your spouse to face the music. Cut your coat according to your cloth. Do not panic before the D-day because that day will come and pass and finally make sure you enjoy your day. Don’t allow anything to get you angry or upset. You are the bride! it’s your day, so don’t forget to smile.
ONOME: What is the place of God in marriage?
IFY: The way I see it is that He is the centre of a successful marriage. He is a very important factor and without Him, there is no successful marriage!
ONOME: What do you love about your husband?
IFY: A lot but these are on top of my list; He is neat,
jovial and very caring.
ONOME: How does it feel adjusting to the new life of being
IFY: I see it as a learning process. It’s been fun trying
new things. Adjusting is the big thing but I’m getting there but above all, it’s
been an interesting ride so far; I’m really enjoying it.
ONOME: Thank you so much Ify, it’s been great talking to
you. Thank you for being so real and honest.
IFY: The pleasure is mine, Onome. Thank you for having me.
“Don’t worry about anything; instead pray about everything. Tell God what you need and thank him for all he has done.” Philippians 4: 6 (NLT).
Weddings are beautiful moments that can’t be erased and at
the same time, pressures would always come around but you need to stop
worrying. One of the things that attracted Ify to me was that state of rest she
had. For a bride who had no event planner, she felt too relaxed; but this lady
just knew God would come through and He sure did. Her wedding was a massive
Dear couples to be, you need to plan and relax. Don’t try to
please anyone. Weddings will come and go but the marriage should be your
priority. Everyone would go home but your partner is all you have; so don’t
lose each other while planning your big day.
Don’t forget to speak into existence what you want for your marriage, confess positive things and close your ears to all negativity. Somehow everybody has the best advice for you when you are getting married, but you need to be sensitive and allow the Holy Spirit to guide you.
To everyone preparing for their big day, it’s going to be a glorious day.
Have you ever wanted someone so bad but the person is not looking in your direction? Or has your love interest put you in the friend zone? I know that feeling; let me tell you my story.
I had eyes for him
from afar and the first day we spoke, he said I was intelligent; this made me
melt. Concentration was impossible whenever I was around him. I knew guys like
him would never have anything to do with girls like me (I was first rejected by
my low self-esteem). I was a nerd and a bookworm. I didn’t like parties so I
was convinced he would never like me.
The first time we met,
I liked him. We had a conversation on books and feminism, which led him to say
I am Intelligent. He was impressed by my ability to hold an intelligent
conversation, so he asked for my phone number. I knew he liked me but he was
scared his friends would laugh at him if he had anything to do with me.
I desired him but we
became platonic friends. I was that friend he would speak with for long hours
on the phone but would avoid in public. I was quite comfortable being in the
shadows; at least I was the girl he spent more than 3 hours over the
I wanted more but I
only appealed to him intellectually. I was upset when he started dating a
friend of mine. (She was sexy and cute; no surprise he went for her). I stopped
picking his calls. I sent him a message when I found out he was with my friend
but he didn’t reply to my message, so I let him be.
Some years later we reconnected and became good friends. We had both become mature and knew what we wanted from life. The problem was; my feelings were rekindled and this time it was intense. I wanted to deny my feelings but the more I tried, the stronger it became.
We had become best of
friends and I didn’t want to lose the friendship, so I decided to play it cool,
but deep down; I was in love. I prayed about it and heard a ‘yes’ (I actually
wasn’t expecting any other answer). I started praying that God would convince him
to ask me out but the prayer never got answered. I had to summon the courage to
I asked him what we
were doing because we ended every phone call with “I love you” and he would
call me sweet names. I needed clarity. He told me he loved me but was still
praying about us.
I waited patiently but
couldn’t pretend any longer. I needed to be sure where we were headed as I had
no time to waste. I called one evening and told him we needed to talk. We spoke
at length then he gave me the shock of my life. He said, “Bunmi, God is not
saying anything about us”. I couldn’t hold back the tears. ‘What was wrong
with me?’ I thought my days of singleness were behind but they just
I went back to God for
healing. That was when I discovered it was never God’s idea but mine. I
concluded on God’s behalf. It was a painful experience but looking back now, I
am grateful it did not work out. We are still friends but it took me a long
time to realize that we could never have worked out as a couple because our purposes
do not align but I was willing to compromise because my feelings for him were
Here’s the thing; I know it hurts that he is not looking at your direction and that he sees you as a sister and a friend but you can’t force a man to love you! If he is meant to be yours, he will come around. You have to trust God to give you the best you deserve.
“Yet God has made
everything beautiful for its own time. He has planted eternity in the human
heart, but even so, people cannot see the whole scope of God’s work from
beginning to end.” (Ecclesiastes 3: 11) NLT.
A lot of times we are
in a hurry and we allow impatience to fuel our desires and influence our
decisions but we have to be patient to get the best. I understand that you like
him. He makes your heart skip when he is around and you can’t control your
emotions. My sister, you need to relax.
There is time for everything. Relationships are way beyond butterflies in the belly. The one God has for you is always worth the wait. You don’t have to embarrass yourself and make stupid decisions to make a man love you.
You can’t force relationships; it has to happen naturally. You need to stop worrying your head about the how and the when. Let God write your love story because He has your best interest at heart and He loves you so much so, you can be rest assured he will give you the best.
I know it hurts, but you have to let him go so you can embrace God’s best for you. Begin your healing process and allow God to give you the best at the right time.
While growing up, I was eager to date a church boy: I felt they would be kind and know how to treat a woman right, but that mindset changed as I grew older. I encountered the bad eggs and was petrified to realize; that some approved sex before marriage.
I have had my share of wrong relationships; the scariest heartbreak I had was from a guy I met in church. After the experience, I made up my mind I was done with church boys. As a matter of fact, I didn’t mind dating an unbeliever: I told myself I would drag him to church, but God had better plans for me. Interestingly, I got to meet a church boy about two years later and I am passionately in love with this man.
This article is not about me. I know there are people like me, who gave up on church boys, and some, who would rather meet a man in a club, than in church. I am not judging your decisions but before you give up on godly men, you need to read this…
THE EPHESIANS 5 MAN
“In the same way, husbands ought to love their wives as they love their own bodies. For a man who loves his wife actually shows love for himself” (Ephesians 5:28).
The reason a lot of us are dealing with heartbreaks is because, we keep doing things God didn’t ask us to do. God never asked you to date a church boy. It wasn’t written anywhere in the scriptures, that you have to marry a man you meet in church.
The church is like a hospital: some are sick, some are recovering while others have fully recovered. Therefore, anybody can be a church boy, but it takes more than going to church to be an Ephesians 5 man. It took me a while to understand that, when you choose to wait on God, He will give you the best.
The Ephesians 5 man is a rare breed. In simple terms: he is “the kingdom man”. This man doesn’t just go to church: he loves God passionately and is pursuing a relationship with the Lord. This man loves his woman, sees her as the helper for his journey to purpose, pursues and covers her as Christ does.
There is a difference between a nice man and a kind man. Also, there is a difference between a good man and a godly man. The fact that a man is good, does not translate to him being godly. The real difference is that a godly man does not make decisions without consulting the King, and every day, he is pursuing after righteousness and holiness. Interestingly, this man is even asking the father how to love you right. He is not just a random man: he is a gift!
Stop stressing yourself over meeting the right man: hand over your love life to the father and I assure you, that He will make your paths cross. You may not meet him in church, but when you do, you will be grateful you waited; because the Ephesians 5 man, is worth the wait!
At the end of the day, the Ephesians 5 man is a church boy, who loves the Lord and is committed to the growth of the kingdom.
I pray for everyone waiting on the lord for their Ephesians 5 man, and for those searching for their proverbs 31 woman: may the father order your steps, and at the right time, your paths will cross. While you are waiting, keep pursuing God. The best is here already.