Tolulope has been a lady I’ve always admired from afar, she knows what she wants, and she keeps going for it. She is that person who will give you some tough love and at the same time cheer you on when you are succeeding.
I interviewed her when she was getting married, and the joy she had was undeniable, but what happens when after your wedding, a baby is not coming? I tried my best not to have this conversation with her because fertility is a very sensitive topic.
I never knew Tolu was fighting some silent battle. I loved how she always showed up to celebrate with her friends who had a baby. I was over the moon when a mutual friend told me, “Tolu gave birth”. Tolu reached out to me some weeks ago and said she would like to share her testimony.
My prayer is that this testimony spurs your faith to trust God more.
Onome: Let’s meet you and how long have you been married?
Tolu: I’m Toluwalope Matthew, and I’ve been married for 2years and 5months.
Onome: How has the journey been?
Tolu: I will say with God the journey has been smooth. People indeed find it hard to share the good sides of their marriage; all we hear about is the turbulent ones. It has been a period of growth in all aspects of my life.
Onome: Hmmm….. I hope we can change that perspective.
Tolu: Yes, we can, and we will.
Onome: What’s your greatest challenge about marriage?
Tolu: Hmmm…. my greatest challenge was the difficulty in accepting my new location. Moving from an urban area to a semi-rural area with little or no opportunity is not a child’s play.
Let’s talk about your waiting season.
Onome: How long did you, and what was it like waiting?
Tolu: We waited for a year 6months.
Waiting, waiting, where do I start from Onome? is it from a monthly period or counting ovulation or cramping. It was not easy. I practically counted my period days and made sure I stayed indoors so I won’t show myself to the world.
The environment where I find myself even has its stigma. If you have been married for months or years without a child, most people address you as ‘iyawo’. So when you find yourself in gatherings and they say ‘iyawo’, everyone knows no child yet.
Or is it concerns from family or friends? Well, I believe none of them knew their concerns came as pressure indirectly, and that alone leaves one with silent thinking. I remember getting in touch with an undergraduate roommate in 500l when I was in 100l, she also had a delay, and her experience helped me put myself together.
Onome: Did you ever felt like God left you?
Tolu: No, I never felt God had left me. Never. Physically speaking, I was so anxious for this miracle but spiritually speaking, I knew God was preparing me for something extraordinary, even though I don’t know how long it will take.
Onome: How did your husband support you all through the journey?
Tolu: My husband and my immediate family are my special gift from God. I am incredibly grateful for the gift of in-laws too. My father and mother-in-law were just so supportive; they were a shoulder to lean on—their care whenever they hear me down lifts up my soul. My husband stood by me all through. When I insisted on going for fertility tests, he declined but supported me afterwards since I told him it would give me peace.
Onome: How was your miracle birthed?
I had multiple urinary tract infection (UTI) in secondary school. It was left untreated until I got to the university. In my final year, I got involved in a running competition. I fell on my stomach, I began to bleed, and it was not properly treated because I visited a general doctor and not a gynaecologist.
Less than 3years after, I got diagnosed with an ovarian cyst. It was treated early enough, a year after (2019) fibroid was detected, and in 2020, we began our fertility journey, went through all the processes, and it was fine.
I had to proceed to take a hysterosalpingogram (HSG) which is meant to determine the potency of the fallopian tubes; before I continue, my HSG scan was torture. I went to heaven and came back o. Hsg was deadly for me. After the test was over, my husband told me that no more fertility test. He told me I was more important to him than a million kids.
Hmmm, after the test, I got the shocker of my life. I was told my two tubes were blocked, and the only solution was to go for In vitro fertilization (IVF).
It was a rude shock. My husband stood by me. He made sure we kept it within ourselves and built our faith. I started getting depressed. I cannot just count or express the support, but the truth remains that there are still good men.
I enrolled in a fashion academy about an hour 30mins from my location. My husband was willing to let me go for anything that will help me gain my sanity.
I enrolled in July. I got back home excited and very busy cutting clothes. I had my last period that same month.
It was indeed a miracle. It was the least expected. It is only God that can say how it was birthed. But in all, positively, prayer seeds were sown by different people, financial seeds were sown, faith was built, relationships were built too.
Onome: Wao!!! God is undoubtedly a miracle worker. What would you say is the biggest lesson you have learnt on this journey?
Tolu: The biggest lesson I learnt while waiting is to hold on to God, turn deaf ears to negativity, gain my complete sanity. In all, I am indeed grateful for the gift of motherhood. It is an opportunity I will forever cherish. The waiting is worth it when I sight my bundle of joy.
Onome: How did you feel after delivery?
Tolu: Truth ehn, I wasn’t so conscious the first day. But after naming when I got stronger, even when he gets cranky at night and I want to get frustrated cos of sleepless nights, I just look at him and thank him for coming and thank God for the gift. Onome, sometimes, waiting helps you appreciate God the more.
I won’t know when I will burst into singing or just begin thanking God for the baby. It’s not as if I don’t get weak because I have sleepless nights but remembering how much prayers, fasting, pains I just can’t help but thank God.
Onome: How did you handle the pressure?
Tolu: The main pressure I experienced was environmental pressure sha. God didn’t allow room for family pressure but seeing the status of people that just got married or someone talking to you about his or her kids, and all can be overwhelming. Though not negatively o, I tried not to give room for envy; that’s why I remind myself that everyone has their time.
Onome: What would you say to anyone waiting?
Tolu: I sincerely pray for everyone waiting that God gives you double for your trouble and link you with people with the right mind.
While waiting, seek medical attention (gynaecologist or fertility specialist), get busy, pray, pray, pray and pray, have a mind of your own because advice will come, speak out to people who are willing to hear and understand you.
Onome: Thank you for sharing your testimony Tolu.
Tolu: It’s a pleasure, and it’s a promise I made to God that if He blesses me, I will share the testimony, and so it’s a big honour doing this.
“But they that wait upon the LORD shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint.” – Isaiah 40:31 KJV.
Nothing is exciting about the process of waiting, it is demanding, and a lot of times, it is filled with tears. The beauty of waiting is when you get results. You forget about the pain when the answer comes.
I don’t know what you are trusting God for today but let Tolu’s testimony encourage that joy comes in the morning.
If you are friends or a family member to young women who just got married or are trying to conceive, please be sensitive with them and don’t put pressure on them. Children are the heritage of the lord, and parents should have them at the right time. Let’s encourage each other and shield our women from societal and environmental pressure.
Let Tolu’s testimony increase your faith because God is writing your story, and I know it will be a marvellous testimony.
I look forward to sharing your story.
Thank you for reading and sharing.
I love you.
Your friend and sister.
See also: Tolu’s wedding interview