DEAR GOD, DO YOU EVEN LOVE ME?
November 2020, I resigned from a toxic work environment (if you want the full gist, click here). After resigning, I promised myself I would not hurry to get another job because you know what they say about making the same mistake twice.
I got a side gig as a customer care representative for an e-commerce service company in February 2021. The pay was little when compared to the work I was doing. Still, I did not mind because at least something was coming in, and I enjoyed solving problems.
I was still searching for a job. In April 2021, I got a good job that was flexible, and the pay was fair, so I said yes to the offer and resumed work immediately. I had a condition before taking the offer, I was employed as a content writer, and when I asked how many people were on the team, I was told it was myself and a graphics designer.
Boy, there was no way I could do a digital marketer’s job. I told them to employ a digital marketer, and they promised to. Two weeks after I resumed, they hired one, and I was so excited, but unfortunately, the terms were not conducive for the person; she left after working for two weeks.
After the digital marketer left, the company refused to employ another person, and they expected me to take up the role, which I could not. It was always a tug of war. The MD/CEO felt I was not competent enough because the company’s social media pages were not growing as she expected.
This woman expected me to grow a page using content only. I tried explaining, but I was not good enough to her, so she went ahead to employ a digital marketing agency. The agency was responsible for all social media pages, which means she does not need my services anymore.
My line manager, God bless his kind heart, tried all he could to convince her to let me stay, but she wanted me out. I started seeing some toxic traits when she called me useless in one of our zoom meetings with the digital agency.
Some weeks after, I dropped my resignation letter because I didn’t want to be sacked. I remember sending that email with tears in my eyes because the truth is that I was tired of job hunting. I came back home, and my sweet husband kept telling me it would be alright.
Here is the thing, I gave a testimony about this job in one of the groups I belonged to in church and here was I three months after with a resignation letter. I felt like God had frauded me. I cried for so many nights. I was pissed and asked why he allowed me to take that job in the first place.
I was throwing tantrums at God, the maker of heaven and earth, the one who can do all things o (Onome, you are bold o lol ); well, He is my father. I refused to pray for days, and the thought of the MD/CEO of that company annoyed me.
It took me months to forgive this woman and everyone involved in me losing my job. I found my peace back when I chose to submit to God and allow Him to lead me. I decided to worship God with tears and pains; in that place of worship, I found peace and strength. He wants the best for me, and today, I’m glad he took me out of that company when He did.
At the same time, I made great friends in that company that I won’t trade for anything. I remember how we cried and hugged on my last day at work. It’s a memory I won’t forget.
I’m in a place of contentment, and I am currently working on my next assignment. I’m not actively searching for jobs, but God keeps sending me gigs, and I have not lacked. That’s how amazing my father is.
There are so many lessons that God has taught me in this phase that I can’t wait to share with you.
“The LORD is close to the brokenhearted; he rescues those whose spirits are crushed”. Psalm 34: 18 (NLT).
This scripture comforted me in my pain, and I could feel God. I don’t know what your story is, and if, like me, you are angry at God, please don’t be. He has your best interest at heart. He will come through because He makes all things beautiful in His own time (Ecclesiastes 3:11).
Trust requires you to leave all other plans and cling to God. It is a case of I have no one else, it’s either you help me, or I’m finished. His plans for you are good, and your future is so beautiful.
When you don’t know what to do, worship because you will find strength and comfort in the place of worship, Papa is close to you, and He is ever ready to give you strength. Never doubt His love.
Cheers to you trusting God and coming out stronger.