Onomewrites

Impacting Nations

DEAR GOD, I WANT WHAT BANKY AND ADESUA HAVE

In May 2017, social media and blogs were on fire. Everyone was reposting and sharing this love story. Two A-list celebrities just got engaged. It was so sweet and cheesy; our faves were getting married. I remember that season of my life because I had just ended a relationship and was having a love walk with the lord.

I was so jealous of this love story. I remember when they announced they were getting married in November 2017, everyone wanted to be a part of their wedding. I was one of the people who stayed glued on Instagram to watch their wedding live. We, the online guests, really meant business. I watched their vows with admiration. I can’t even deny I want what they have.

When Banky released that track, he called “Susu’s Song”, I streamed it all the time. I just love these two. I want a man like Banky. I have always wanted a man who can sing all my life. I wanted a man who would release a track for me, too, it’s so goofy, but I love it. Banky felt like the perfect man; I’m sure God was up there laughing and wondering when this child would trust me.

I’m not a hopeless romantic, but I love to see beautiful marriages. I love it when a man dotes on his woman and is not shy to acknowledge it. When I met my husband, he was not Banky W; well, he can hold a key sometimes when he is singing, but no offence if that man releases a track, I’m not buying it because it’s not his calling, lol.

I almost lost a good man because I wanted him to be the man I had envisioned, so when we started dating, we had some silly arguments because I wanted him to be what God did not create him to be. I kept trying to make him into something he was not. I was angry when he was not working on any project; I just wanted him to be out there like Banky W.

Somewhere in my heart, I was comparing him to somebody I had never met. One day, the Holy Spirit asked me, “Do you trust me? then remove the idol in your heart and let me mould this man”.

That was the day I buried my obsession and trusted the father with this man He gave me. My relationship got better, and I allowed my partner to be the man God wants him to be. When I look at him, I am grateful and blessed to have a patient man like him because it takes patience to deal with me.

I don’t know if you are anything like me, you want a love story like your favourite celebrity couple but can I advise that you trust God with those dreams and lists. The person you admire has their flaws, don’t compare your partner to somebody else; it’s not nice.

CONCLUSION

“Find your delight and true pleasure in Yahweh, and he will give you what you desire the most. Give God the right to direct your life, and as you trust him along the way, you’ll find he pulled it off perfectly” (Psalm 37:4-5)         TPT

When you find your delight in God, He will grant your desires. I did not marry a Banky W. I married the one for me who treats me like a queen. Everything I wanted, God gave me more. God knows more than you, so I challenge you to rip that list and let the father give you beyond your imagination. God can be trusted!

You are loved!

Yours,

Papa and Onome.

DEAR GOD, DO YOU EVEN LOVE ME?

November 2020, I  resigned from a toxic work environment (if you want the full gist, click here). After resigning, I promised myself I would not hurry to get another job because you know what they say about making the same mistake twice.

I got a side gig as a customer care representative for an e-commerce service company in February 2021. The pay was little when compared to the work I was doing. Still, I did not mind because at least something was coming in, and I enjoyed solving problems.

I was still searching for a job. In April 2021, I got a good job that was flexible, and the pay was fair, so I said yes to the offer and resumed work immediately. I had a condition before taking the offer, I was employed as a content writer, and when I asked how many people were on the team, I was told it was myself and a graphics designer.

Boy, there was no way I could do a digital marketer’s job. I told them to employ a digital marketer, and they promised to. Two weeks after I resumed, they hired one, and I was so excited, but unfortunately, the terms were not conducive for the person; she left after working for two weeks.

After the digital marketer left, the company refused to employ another person, and they expected me to take up the role, which I could not. It was always a tug of war. The MD/CEO felt I was not competent enough because the company’s social media pages were not growing as she expected.

This woman expected me to grow a page using content only. I tried explaining, but I was not good enough to her, so she went ahead to employ a digital marketing agency. The agency was responsible for all social media pages, which means she does not need my services anymore.

My line manager, God bless his kind heart, tried all he could to convince her to let me stay, but she wanted me out. I started seeing some toxic traits when she called me useless in one of our zoom meetings with the digital agency.

Some weeks after, I dropped my resignation letter because I didn’t want to be sacked. I remember sending that email with tears in my eyes because the truth is that I was tired of job hunting. I came back home, and my sweet husband kept telling me it would be alright.

Here is the thing, I gave a testimony about this job in one of the groups I belonged to in church and here was I three months after with a resignation letter. I felt like God had frauded me. I cried for so many nights. I was pissed and asked why he allowed me to take that job in the first place.

 I was throwing tantrums at God, the maker of heaven and earth, the one who can do all things o (Onome, you are bold o lol ); well, He is my father. I refused to pray for days, and the thought of the MD/CEO of that company annoyed me.

My sendoff cake

It took me months to forgive this woman and everyone involved in me losing my job. I found my peace back when I chose to submit to God and allow Him to lead me. I decided to worship God with tears and pains; in that place of worship, I found peace and strength. He wants the best for me, and today, I’m glad he took me out of that company when He did.

At the same time, I made great friends in that company that I won’t trade for anything. I remember how we cried and hugged on my last day at work. It’s a memory I won’t forget.

I’m in a place of contentment, and I am currently working on my next assignment. I’m not actively searching for jobs, but God keeps sending me gigs, and I have not lacked. That’s how amazing my father is.

There are so many lessons that God has taught me in this phase that I can’t wait to share with you.

CONCLUSION

“The LORD is close to the brokenhearted; he rescues those whose spirits are crushed”. Psalm 34: 18 (NLT).

This scripture comforted me in my pain, and I could feel God. I don’t know what your story is, and if, like me, you are angry at God, please don’t be. He has your best interest at heart. He will come through because He makes all things beautiful in His own time (Ecclesiastes 3:11).

Trust requires you to leave all other plans and cling to God. It is a case of I have no one else, it’s either you help me, or I’m finished. His plans for you are good, and your future is so beautiful.

When you don’t know what to do, worship because you will find strength and comfort in the place of worship, Papa is close to you, and He is ever ready to give you strength. Never doubt His love.

Cheers to you trusting God and coming out stronger.

With love,

Onome.

MY GRACE STORY: MENTAL HEALTH WITH ONOME

The year 2020 left me confused and angry, I ended the year with tears and bitterness, but God stepped in. I never prioritized the role of mental health until I came face to face with a situation that almost destroyed my happiness.

April 2020, I took a job that affected my mental health. My life was in chaos, and every day, I asked myself why I had taken this job. Let me not spill all the juice yet.

I shared this story on the latest episode of the Naked with Onome podcast. As the year ends, I want you to know that you are a big deal, and it is okay to take a step back to restrategize.

Nothing is worth losing your mental health over.

Thank you for sticking with me and for believing in me. It means a lot to me.

Let’s do more in 2022!

Click here to listen on Google podcast, and you can also download it here.

MY GRACE STORY

Life comes in ways we don’t expect and sometimes the only words you can speak is tears.

I met Damilola Agboola recently, we were in a programme and we were talking about pains, she raised her hands and said she has a story to share. By the time Damilola and her husband were done sharing their story, we were all moved.

Her story was emotional and I knew in that instant she had to share her story on Naked with Onome Podcast. The Lord had been speaking to me about starting a series on sharing testimonies and I have been struggling because I am in my season of pain but after interviewing Damilola I knew that God has better plans for me and this podcast is blessing me.

Click here to listen on Google podcast and you can also download here.

Thank you for listening.

TOLULOPE MATTHEW: WAITING FOR THE PROMISE

Tolulope has been a lady I’ve always admired from afar, she knows what she wants, and she keeps going for it. She is that person who will give you some tough love and at the same time cheer you on when you are succeeding.

I interviewed her when she was getting married, and the joy she had was undeniable, but what happens when after your wedding, a baby is not coming? I tried my best not to have this conversation with her because fertility is a very sensitive topic.

I never knew Tolu was fighting some silent battle. I loved how she always showed up to celebrate with her friends who had a baby. I was over the moon when a mutual friend told me, “Tolu gave birth”. Tolu reached out to me some weeks ago and said she would like to share her testimony.

My prayer is that this testimony spurs your faith to trust God more.

Onome: Let’s meet you and how long have you been married?

Tolu: I’m Toluwalope Matthew, and I’ve been married for 2years and 5months.

Onome: How has the journey been?

Tolu: I will say with God the journey has been smooth. People indeed find it hard to share the good sides of their marriage; all we hear about is the turbulent ones. It has been a period of growth in all aspects of my life.

Onome: Hmmm….. I hope we can change that perspective.

Tolu: Yes, we can, and we will.

Onome: What’s your greatest challenge about marriage?

Tolu: Hmmm…. my greatest challenge was the difficulty in accepting my new location. Moving from an urban area to a semi-rural area with little or no opportunity is not a child’s play.

Let’s talk about your waiting season.

Onome: How long did you, and what was it like waiting?

Tolu: We waited for a year 6months.

Waiting, waiting, where do I start from Onome? is it from a monthly period or counting ovulation or cramping. It was not easy. I practically counted my period days and made sure I stayed indoors so I won’t show myself to the world.

The environment where I find myself even has its stigma. If you have been married for months or years without a child, most people address you as ‘iyawo’. So when you find yourself in gatherings and they say ‘iyawo’, everyone knows no child yet.

Or is it concerns from family or friends? Well, I believe none of them knew their concerns came as pressure indirectly, and that alone leaves one with silent thinking. I remember getting in touch with an undergraduate roommate in 500l when I was in 100l, she also had a delay, and her experience helped me put myself together.

Onome: Did you ever felt like God left you?

Tolu: No, I never felt God had left me. Never. Physically speaking, I was so anxious for this miracle but spiritually speaking, I knew God was preparing me for something extraordinary, even though I don’t know how long it will take.

Onome: How did your husband support you all through the journey?

Tolu: My husband and my immediate family are my special gift from God. I am incredibly grateful for the gift of in-laws too. My father and mother-in-law were just so supportive; they were a shoulder to lean on—their care whenever they hear me down lifts up my soul. My husband stood by me all through. When I insisted on going for fertility tests, he declined but supported me afterwards since I told him it would give me peace.

Onome: How was your miracle birthed?

I had multiple urinary tract infection (UTI) in secondary school. It was left untreated until I got to the university. In my final year, I got involved in a running competition. I fell on my stomach, I began to bleed, and it was not properly treated because I visited a general doctor and not a gynaecologist.

 Less than 3years after, I got diagnosed with an ovarian cyst. It was treated early enough, a year after (2019) fibroid was detected, and in 2020, we began our fertility journey, went through all the processes, and it was fine.

I had to proceed to take a hysterosalpingogram (HSG) which is meant to determine the potency of the fallopian tubes; before I continue, my HSG scan was torture. I went to heaven and came back o. Hsg was deadly for me. After the test was over, my husband told me that no more fertility test. He told me I was more important to him than a million kids.

Hmmm, after the test, I got the shocker of my life. I was told my two tubes were blocked, and the only solution was to go for In vitro fertilization (IVF).

It was a rude shock. My husband stood by me. He made sure we kept it within ourselves and built our faith. I started getting depressed. I cannot just count or express the support, but the truth remains that there are still good men.

I enrolled in a fashion academy about an hour 30mins from my location. My husband was willing to let me go for anything that will help me gain my sanity.

I enrolled in July. I got back home excited and very busy cutting clothes. I had my last period that same month.

It was indeed a miracle. It was the least expected. It is only God that can say how it was birthed. But in all, positively, prayer seeds were sown by different people, financial seeds were sown, faith was built, relationships were built too.

Onome: Wao!!! God is undoubtedly a miracle worker. What would you say is the biggest lesson you have learnt on this journey?

Tolu: The biggest lesson I learnt while waiting is to hold on to God, turn deaf ears to negativity, gain my complete sanity. In all, I am indeed grateful for the gift of motherhood. It is an opportunity I will forever cherish. The waiting is worth it when I sight my bundle of joy.

Onome: How did you feel after delivery?

Tolu:  Truth ehn, I wasn’t so conscious the first day. But after naming when I got stronger, even when he gets cranky at night and I want to get frustrated cos of sleepless nights, I just look at him and thank him for coming and thank God for the gift. Onome, sometimes, waiting helps you appreciate God the more.

 I won’t know when I will burst into singing or just begin thanking God for the baby. It’s not as if I don’t get weak because I have sleepless nights but remembering how much prayers, fasting, pains I just can’t help but thank God.

Onome: How did you handle the pressure?

Tolu: The main pressure I experienced was environmental pressure sha. God didn’t allow room for family pressure but seeing the status of people that just got married or someone talking to you about his or her kids, and all can be overwhelming. Though not negatively o, I tried not to give room for envy; that’s why I remind myself that everyone has their time.

Onome: What would you say to anyone waiting?

Tolu: I sincerely pray for everyone waiting that God gives you double for your trouble and link you with people with the right mind.

While waiting, seek medical attention (gynaecologist or fertility specialist), get busy, pray, pray, pray and pray, have a mind of your own because advice will come, speak out to people who are willing to hear and understand you.

Onome: Thank you for sharing your testimony Tolu.

Tolu: It’s a pleasure, and it’s a promise I made to God that if He blesses me, I will share the testimony, and so it’s a big honour doing this.

CONCLUSION

“But they that wait upon the LORD shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint.” – Isaiah 40:31 KJV.

Nothing is exciting about the process of waiting, it is demanding, and a lot of times, it is filled with tears. The beauty of waiting is when you get results. You forget about the pain when the answer comes.

I don’t know what you are trusting God for today but let Tolu’s testimony encourage that joy comes in the morning.

If you are friends or a family member to young women who just got married or are trying to conceive, please be sensitive with them and don’t put pressure on them. Children are the heritage of the lord, and parents should have them at the right time. Let’s encourage each other and shield our women from societal and environmental pressure.

Let Tolu’s testimony increase your faith because God is writing your story, and I know it will be a marvellous testimony.

I look forward to sharing your story.

Thank you for reading and sharing.

I love you.

Your friend and sister.

Onome.

See also: Tolu’s wedding interview