“There is no fear in love; but perfect love casts out fear…” (1 John 4: 18a)

Growing up with a low self-esteem played a major role in my belief about love. I use to think I was not lovable and when people who were not related to me were being nice, it always felt like they would want something in return and in turn I wasn’t just keen about love.

Love had always been around me but my negligence and self-esteem just never allowed me to see it, I have a wonderful family who adored me, even when I would hear my mom pray for me in the middle of the night I still didn’t believe it was love, I felt it was a norm for parents to pray for their kids but little did I know that was the greatest expression of love.

This part of me affected my belief system and when I started thinking about relationships, my expectations were so little and you know what they say about your thoughts it definitely becomes your reality, even when it was clear that love was chasing me I was still scared, scared I was going to be hurt, I just felt I don’t deserve to be loved.

I’ve met people who are just like me, when the thought of someone loving you gets into your mind you become scared maybe because of your past or your insecurities, whatever your story is don’t feel bad, it is okay to have those feelings, I totally understand but you can’t be in that phase forever you need to come out of your shell because if you don’t get healed, your partner will only keep trying but deep within you, you will still feel he/she wants to use you.

It took me years to get over this feeling, it took deliberate actions. I wish I could tell you that I did it myself, I wish I could say it was because I read books or because I was smart, the truth is it took God’s help and strength to get me here, it took that same love I was scared of to heal me.

I know you want to ask me so how do I get over this feeling, how do I let go of this fear? I know how you feel, I know it sucks sometimes, I know that feeling when you are just paranoid about somebody being nice to you, you just can’t wait to find out what they want from you but in most cases the person is just being nice and all.

I’ll explain to you some practicable steps you can take to help you come out of this state of mind because if you remain there I’m afraid you can’t experience love even when the right person comes your way you will frustrate him/ her.

There is nothing that can happen if you are not determined. Sometimes last year, I realized I was not happy, I was tired of being used, I just desired a change and that was the beginning of my breakthrough. You need to get to that point where you are tired, your determination is the first step to your breakthrough.

This is the best decision you can ever make, I’m telling you this from my own personal experience. The fact that God loves you is enough to keep you going and if you rely on that simple truth it is more than enough. If nobody loves you, God loves you and that should encourage you to want to know Him more. The psalmist says “What is man that you are mindful of him, and the son of man that you visit him” (psalms 8:3), you are that special and God desires fellowship. When you fellowship with God in prayer, God begins to rub on you and before you know it you start seeing things the way God sees them and He then instructs you on how to go.

It’s interesting how the word of God renews our mind, there was one evening I was fellowshipping and He opened my eyes to 2 Timothy 1: 7, I have heard that scripture several times but what the Holy Spirit taught me that day was deeper than what I’ve heard. When you study the word regularly the Holy Spirit begins to mess with your mind and He aligns it to see things the way you should see them. You can’t be in the word and be scared. Find time to study the word of God because revelation is the base line for revolution, the force of victory is from the inside.

This is the toughest part, when you are sensitive to the Spirit and God brings the right person your way, you will be confronted with that same fear but you need to step out in faith and allow yourself to be loved and in turn love the person. Do it afraid!

You deserve to be loved, I know you’ve been hurt and I know you are scared but you need to understand that you deserve to be happy, if like me you are doing so much for people but you don’t even know how to receive please you deserve to be spoilt too. I didn’t understand how bad I was at receiving love until it came knocking at my door and everyday I’m learning with the help and strength of the father.

Don’t be scared to love, don’t be scared to be loved too because perfect love casts out fear.
I love you!

Omodara Onome.


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