You are not a super being!

As a life and relationship coach I get to hear stories that make me wonder and ponder, I’ve seen and read from people who have been through challenges but what I love about some of these people is that they know and understand that they need help.

  I’m going to be sharing the story of  one of them, a young lady who was and is still strong but tender at heart. 


Life didn’t play fair with me as a little girl, I grew up understanding what challenges meant, my father was what you can call a not so good example of what a father should be. He comes back late at night drunk and would still beat my mother every day.  Tragedy struck when I lost my mother at the age 9 and I had to live with my uncle and his wife (My mother’s brother). 

My uncle’s family was so beautiful, they had three sons and we bonded so quickly. Life was getting interesting again, until my cousin raped me when I was 12, he never stopped at a point I became used to it so it wasn’t rape anymore, I had to learn to enjoy it  and this continued until he left for the university, that time I had turned 15. He told me not to tell anyone he promised to kill me if I ever told anyone and so I became quiet about it and I was so sure no one will ever believe me.

 I lived with this pain for years, one day he came back from school apologizing that it was some teenage fantasy that was affecting him and he expected me to forgive him.   I grew up having a strong hatred for the male gender.

When I got admission to the university I had vowed not to have any relationship with any man because as far as I was concerned men are all the same. I thought I was strong until I met him in my second year he kept asking me for a relationship, there was something about him that I couldn’t resist, I can say it was his physical strength because really he was very cute but I think it had to do with his sweetness, he was the sweetest guy I’ve ever met he was so sweet and nice.

 I gave him a resounding No, I even shouted at him on so many occasions but he would just not give up, he kept pursuing until my heart was softened and I gave him a Yes.  My relationship was going on well until he asked me for sex and I refused not because I wanted to but because my experience about sex wasn’t too good and I was scared. He kept me demanding and I had to tell him my story but all he did was to promise me that he won’t hurt me but I just couldn’t trust him. 

Two weeks later, I went to see him and you would not believe what I saw. I met another lady with him on the bed and when I asked him all he could say was that since he wasn’t getting it from me he had to get it somewhere else. I walked out and ended the relationship and that day I gave up on men.

My heart has been broken and I’ve been so hurt so like any normal person would do, which is to give up on love I decided to focus on better things and learning new things. 

Six months after, this fine young man enters my life, initially I pushed him away but he said all he wanted was friendship so I yielded and we became closer but the truth was, I had a crush on him but since he made it clear that he wanted friendship so I never gave it a thought.  I really thought I was strong and I always told myself nothing can ever break me.

It was all lies there was still the girly part of me yearning to be revealed so I intentionally closed every thought about me and him dating but life has a way of showing you that you need help, I went to see my new friend and I really can’t explain the how but we kissed. I felt like a fool how did it happen? Why in God’s name would I kiss my crush? The same thing happened three different times, every time we met we kissed until the day I got the courage to shout  that It was not fun for me and he didn’t even act like he cared about my feelings all he did was to walk out on me. I felt so stupid, I felt used but I don’t blame him because he didn’t force me but I learnt a lesson that I needed help and being strong does not mean I am a super being. 


I write to you strong ones, the ones that life has challenged, the ones whose hearts have been broken, the ones who has seen it all but never gave up.  The ones life has crushed but they are not destroyed, the ones who has seen and experienced betrayals from your loved ones. Yes, I salute your courage and it takes a lot of strength to move on and just like this young lady you are truly strong.

Nobody knows how strong they are until they are tested in the heats and challenges of life but you need to know that you are not a super being, you still have emotions and your emotions will still be tested. As a young lady trying to survive and live in purpose, I faced some difficulties and I am still growing but it took me time to learn that I was not a super being and I would always need help. 

Your emotions are a part of you and you cannot underestimate its power but the painful part is that it is too fleeting to make a decision on. 

As strong as you are, you are going to make mistakes and you really don’t have to kill yourself when you make one. You are human and you don’t have to sit down in guilt for too long. Mistakes don’t define you so when you make a mistake pick your lessons and move on, learn from that experience and become better so you don’t make the same mistake again. Stop crying, don’t hate yourself. 

Your strength is in moving on; the real strength is in moving from the past and focusing on the future.

The real strength is in knowing and understanding that you can’t handle it on your own; you need the help and strength of God. Man has been wired to always want more, so life would always push you and the best person who can help you is God.

The real strength is in absolute and complete dependence on and in God. 

Yes, you are strong as long as you don’t give up.

Keep fighting

Keep wining and keep pursuing your goals.

You are strong!

You need a friend to talk to; I’m just a message away from you.

Omodara Onome

Life and relationship coach

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